The Tri-County Journal
& Chattahoochee Chronicle
PO Box 850, 71 Webb Lane
Buena Vista, GA 31803
229-649-6397
tjournal@windstream.net

     In an open letter to the people of Sangamon County, Illinois, a young candidate for the Illinois State Legislature wrote, "Whether it be true or not, I can say for one that I have no other (ambition) so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem. How far I shall succeed in gratifying this ambition, is yet to be developed."
   The year was 1832 and the candidate was 23-year-old Abraham Lincoln, who was, at that time, making his first bid for public office. 
   The thing about Lincoln's statement that jumps out at me is not that he desired to be esteemed by his fellow man; after all, most of us want that, whether we're a child on a school playground or an adult at a dinner party. What caught my attention was his interest in rendering himself worthy of such esteem.
   To me, Lincoln's quest for earned esteem stands in vivid contrast to today's steady stream of attention hunters who appear to be on a desperate quest for fame. For Lincoln, public esteem was connected to achievement and serving others well. In modern times, public esteem seems to be reduced to this - being recognized by a lot of people. 
   Along these lines, one of the great responsibilities we parents have is to impart a sense of purpose to our children and to help them develop a more meaningful understanding of achievement.
   The obvious should be stated here - not all children are the same and neither are they of equal talent. Goals and aspirations will differ and their achievement will take on different forms and garner different levels of attention. Not every child is going to grow up to hold high office, create a cure for a deadly disease or achieve fame in the arts. 
   Again, what matters is that our children learn how to use their own gifts well, not someone else's.  But how does one teach that?
   Let me confess right here that I wrestle with these questions. I have five children (from 4 to 11 years old) who are vastly different in giftedness, disposition and even motivation. Some of my children wake up almost every day with more energy to burn than a nuclear power plant, while others wake up and want to ease into the day like one might slip into a hot bath (nice and easy.) 
   So let's start with something basic but vitally important. Andy Stanley has said that parents are the premier vision casters in their kids' lives. "We (parents) must paint a vividly clear picture in the minds and hearts of our children of what they can become in their character, conduct, and even their careers. We must pour into their sponge-like souls a vision of what they could accomplish with their lives. After all, we see their potential far better than they do." 
   Isn't that the truth? Typically, we see so much more in our children than they do largely because we have many more years of life experience through which we evaluate our children. Moreover, many of us harbor at least some regrets that we did not apply ourselves as well as we should have and don't want our kids to repeat our mistakes. 
   An important reminder here: It is likely that you are already painting a "vividly clear picture" in your child's mind and heart about what they can become. Your words will do that. But remember that negative words to your children also paint a vividly clear picture of what they can't become. 
   Frequent words that point out failures and character flaws will shape your child's picture of himself. "You're always late," "you never listen," or "you'll never be a good student," are phrases that burn powerful images in your child's mind and can prove to be self-fulfilling prophecies.
   We must be diligent in discovering even the smallest things for which we